Sunday, March 28, 2010

Dialogues Part 6

Me: Good morning Voice!
Voice: Good morning. You are chipper today! How nice.
Me: Yes, well, I find it easier to get through life if I stay chipper.
Voice: Who taught you that?
Me: Well, You...and my Grandma, and Mom.
Voice: OHhhh...that's nice! I know your Grandma and Mom very well. In fact I know your whole family very well.
Me: Really? You've read my memories??
Voice: No, no, dear, I've been here all along, so no need to read your memories.
Me: Oh, that's how you know them, because you've been with me all along.
Voice: Yes, that's part of it...
Me: And the rest...?
Voice: This may be another hard thing for you to grasp.
Me: C'mon you know I always give it my best!
Voice: Okay then...I know your family because I am inside of them, too.
Me: Whhooooooaaa. Huh?
Voice: What is it you feel right now?
Me: I feel: Wwwwhhhoooooaaaa...
Voice: Hon, if you could put a WORD to that "Whoa", what would it be?
Me: Well, "Duuude", or "coool", or...
Voice: Keep trying...
Me: ...awe.
Voice: Why "awe"?
Me: Because it seems amazing!
Voice: What seems amazing?
Me: That you are in me, you know me so well, and yet you know my family so well, too! AND you're IN them, too! I am completely in awe, if what you are telling me is true.
Voice: Have I ever told you a lie?
Me: No, never.
Voice: So why would you think I would lie?
Me: Well..
Voice: Be honest. There is no sense trying to hide. I'm here to can't run away.
Me: know...
Voice: Yes, but you need to say it. It will help heal you.
Me: How will it help heal me?
Voice: Please don't change the subject.
Me: Alright, alright! You know I've believed some lies before, some big lies...before I learned to listen to you. I'M SO SORRY I BELIEVED THEM! I felt so sad then.
Voice: I know. I was there.
Me: Why did I have to believe them?
Voice: You needed to find your own way to me.
Me: But why didn't you try to wake me up? Make me see and hear?
Voice: I did, my dear. I did.
Me: Oh.
Voice: Do you know when?
Me: Yes. Yes I do.
Voice: When did I try to show you? When did I try to speak to you while you were believing those lies?
Me: A-always.
Voice: Yes.
Me: It hurts.
Voice: It doesn't have to.
Me: Like growing pains.
Voice: Ha! Yes. Like growing pains. It hurts, but you know the pain means something positive and good is happening.
Me: Yeah.
Voice: Are you okay?
Me: Oh, yeah...I always will be, now that I have you.
Voice: Oh, well, my dear you have a lot to learn.
Voice: Yes
Me: Well, what? For instance...
Voice: Today, in particular, I would say that the next step is for you to learn that you do not own me.
Me: Oh, well if you mean what I just said about "always having you"...
Voice: Yes, I mean that.
Me: You can be very strict sometimes.
Voice: That is the price of freedom.
Me: But you're not strict all the time.
Voice: No, only when it really matters.
Me: Hmm Tough Love.
Voice: You got it, girl.
Me: So next time we'll get to that new stuff?
Voice: Maybe. Whatever is right for that time.
Me: Haha that's funny because guess what?
Voice: What?
Me: I had a completely different question in mind for today.
Voice: I know.
Me: And we talked about something completely different!
Voice: Yes. Now you are understanding.
Me: Understanding what?
Voice: That I am always here, but you do not own me.
Me: it's like when I talk with you I'm just jumping in to wherever you are...
Voice: Yes, go on.
Me: And listening and watching whatever you're doing.
Voice: yes.
Me: Kind of like when I used to talk with Grandma while she gardened.
Voice: Oh, YES! It is an honor to be compared with your Grandmother: a lovely gardener.
Me: What will you be doing when we talk next?
Voice: You'll have to wait and see.
Me: Okay.
Voice: Now get on with your day.
Me: Mmmmm breakfast.
Voice: *smiling* yes. MMmmmm breakfast.
Me: Love you
Voice: I love you too.
Me: I still wish I could hug you.
Voice: You are learning other ways to express your love.
Me: Yes I am. I'm learning a lot.
Voice: I am proud of you.
Me: Thank you! Wow.
Voice: Now go on. I'll be with you.
Me: Okay to you soon.
Voice: Yes. Bless you dear.
Me: *smiling*

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